Old and Bold

“There are old pilots and bold pilots, but no old, bold pilots”

Those of us in the business world shouldn’t have to abide by that old Air Force adage but in a lot of ways we do.

A buddy sent me the follow article - Labeled

The fact is there’s getting to be a large number of us “experienced” veterans out there and we all are running into the overqualified stigma on an escalating scale. Probably the strangest element is the person sitting on the other side of the desk saying those words is often someone who would be labeled the same way if they were on the street.

You can almost understand it when it’s some droopy-eyed, wet-eared, thirty-something kid. I mean, after all, they still know everything so how could someone with 40 years of experience be of any value? Hell, we’re all worn out.

To be fair I find it ironic to be part of a generation that absolutely believed that anyone over the age of thirty was not to be trusted. More to the point, we didn’t really believe we’d live past the age of 30. (See Logan’s Run). I find it amusing when I listen to young people today talk about how uncertain the world is as I think back to the drills we had in school teaching us to kneel under the desk for when the thermo-nuclear attack from Russia came raining down.

But I digress.

I talk with many of my contemporaries about this dilemma and hear the same thing over and over. “My kids are grown, I have a lot left in the tank, I’m no longer interested in being the CEO, I don’t need the massive paycheck, I’d love to find a situation doing something interesting and have a position with some relevance where I could have some fun and use some of this talent I possess.”

Wow, could anyone out there use someone like that?

The fear on the hiring side is that us old guys:

Won’t be able to keep up
Aren’t capable of understanding “this new stuff”
Won’t be happy with a lesser position than they’ve had in the past
Will be unhappy with a lesser paycheck
Won’t fit in with a younger culture
Will require the company cafeteria to load up on bland food

Let’s see? Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, maybe.

There’s a lot of useful talent out there that’s ready, willing and able to help you and your company. Don’t want to take the chance of hiring some long-tooth in? Contract them for a project or a time limit. Do a bit of a test drive to see how things work out. If it’s not working after 90 days, cut it. If it’s working after six months put a package together.

But be careful. You might learn something.

Trap Doors

“To ask the hard question is simple” W.H. Auden

Having dinner with my son he was relating a meeting he’d recently had with the person his boss reports to. During the course of the conversation this ranking executive asked him how he was getting along with a particular co-worker. My son was brought in to this particular location to fix a problem with a particular department. This co-worker was the previous owner of this department and subsequently a large cause of the problem he was there to fix.

The co-worker had been moved to the Human Resources position (insert your favorite HR comment here) and had subsequently set out to use this position to try to make my son’s life miserable and was succeeding quite nicely.

The particular question was “do you feel your past with this person would affect you two from working together again in the future?”

My son answered, “I would never let past differences with anyone affect how I professionally deal with them, however, I can’t speak for how it may affect their ability to work with me”.

Nice answer to a “trap door” question.

Trap door questions are those that are almost impossible to answer correctly if you answer them honestly (Do you still beat your wife?), yet shuffling around the answer too much comes off sounding false.

Occasionally trap door questions are innocent and are hard to answer because they are ill-framed. But usually they are very purposeful and asked exactly as trap questions. The reasons to ask trap questions is to either test the person to see how they respond or to, in fact, trap them into an answer you can use against them.

I asked my son which motive he though was behind this one and he said he honestly didn’t know but would guess he was being tested more than trapped. Either way he gave a good, clean answer.

This is hard to do and I’m pretty proud of him.

Trap questions are very difficult. They’re not like interview questions where you’re somewhat braced for about any type of question. They usually come out of nowhere and are followed by the questioner leaning forward, getting out their magnifying glass and turning on the 1000 watt lamp.

This makes them very difficult to prepare for.

Of course, you could always have your own version of Inspector Clouseau’s house boy Cato who springs out from behind cubicle walls unexpectedly and asks you random trap door type questions so you can stay in practice.

Automate This!

“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.” – Dick Cavett

“Hello, you have reached our automated call attendant. Para la prensa 2 del español. Pour la presse 3 de Français. 為中國人新聞4. Για τον ελληνικό Τύπο 5. На русское давление 6. Para a imprensa 7 do português. Für deutsche Presse 8. Per la pressa italiana 9.

For English please stay on the line and one of our representatives from IndiIriPakiUkraniStan will help you.”

*sigh*

All I wanted was a Big Mac and a Coke.

So, it hasn’t gotten this bad – yet – but I’m convinced it’s coming quickly. And no, I’m really not against globalization. Just the opposite, by virtue of having circled the globe a few times I’m probably more ahead of the “We Are the World” curve than most of you.

What I’m against is lousy customer service. I’m against paying for service and not getting it. I have kids who are stuck in the “me generation” but I don’t want to deal with companies who are. I’ll pay more for service if I get it but I’m quickly waltzing away from companies who are more interested in paying less for each customer service call than they are for providing actual service. That’s what I’m against.

What I’m for is better business intelligence.

Profile away if it will help me get through the Airport, ATM, or any other line quicker, If you can profile when I call that I’m a dumb Hoosier who can barely speak English much less anything tricky like French and you route my call to someone in Terre Haute I’m a happy guy. If when I plug my card into the ATM it immediately asks me in English “Do you want your normal amount? I’m a happy guy. If I can walk into an airport, show them my finger, eye, tattoo, whatever and be sent on to the gate, I’m a happy guy.

You see, I’m a boring guy. I have nothing interesting going on so go ahead and watch me, listen in to my phone calls, track my internet, whatever but bring plenty of strong coffee ‘cause you’re going to be B-O-R-E-D out of your G-O-U-R-D.

Look, I get it. I really do. You have to make a profit along the way. I’m with you on that boat. But figure out if you’re cheaping your way into trouble by chasing your clients away.

I’ll leave you with a little thing that my good friend and former globetrotting buddy Tyler Allman sent me once upon a time. Anyone who’s traveled to foreign soil – Europe, Asia Pacific, South America, Florida or California – has probably had something like this happen.

A Call to Room Service
Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
RS: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
HG: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July then?
HG: What?
RS: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch...?
HG: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
RS: Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
HG: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Okay. Santos?
HG: What?
RS: Santos. July Santos?
HG: Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.
RS: No. Judo one toes?
HG: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes" means. I'm sorry.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
HG: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
HG: No. Just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
HG: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
RS: Copy?
HG: I feel terrible about this but...
RS: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
HG: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
HG: Whatever you say.
RS: Okay. Tendjewberrymud.
HG: You're welcome