UCOA

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."  Isaac Asimov

Maybe I'm just in a perpetually bad mood but there seems to be an epidemic of people totally unknown to me offering up Unsolicited Comments ,Opinions or Advice (UCOA's).

I've said before that I do not have many pet peeves, but the ones I do have I possess severe feeling about.  UCOA's are on that short list.

I'm sure I'm guilty of having been on the giving side of an UCOA.  But usually it's with someone I know.  Just as annoying, no doubt, but it's hard to not offer up UCOA's to a family member or close friend.  I really don't recall doing it to a total stranger without at least offering up a preamble of "excuse me, but do you mind if I offer up a suggestion", or something like that.  Caveat: This obviously doesn't count if you see someone in a dangerous situation.

An example of what I'm talking about.  Yesterday I'm at the deli counter at the grocery ordering a pound of cheese and a pound of turkey.  While the cheese is being sliced the guy to the right of me says, "you need to have him put paper between the slices or they'll stick together."  I ignore him.  As the turkey is being sliced the woman to the left of me says, "you should have him slice it thicker, those are too thin".  I ignore her.  I get my stuff and leave without acknowledging either of them but my tongue is bleeding a bit.

The best example of UCOA's is when I'm playing Blackjack.  I don't play a lot but know the basic strategies and I tend to be pretty conservative.  So I love the people - almost always guys, by the way - who love to offer up UCOA as to when to split or double or increase my bet, etc.  The most annoying part of this is they tend to do it the most after they've lost their entire stack and are just hanging around the table killing time.  So I'm going to take counsel from a guy who's lost all his money?? Now that I think about it, it's not all that different from most financial advisers.

So, what the proper etiquette in the workplace.  When is UCOA necessary vs. purposeful vs. annoying.

Well, like normal life spotting a dangerous business situation demands UCOA regardless of rank or feelings.  It doesn't have to be in the form of screaming or throwing yourself across the board table but it's a Must Do.  Watching all the goings-on at General Motors makes me wonder where the UCOA's were when the ignition switch problem was first spotted.  Did people call the problem out but were ignored?  Did it reach a certain level then just turn to steam?  That's a whole other topic about what to do when you've spotted and reported a danger but its ignored.

Otherwise you should ask yourself the question as to whether you're inserting your UCOA because you're really protecting the project/deal/plan/customer or if you just can't stand something without your smudge mark on it.  I wrote about this once upon a time. Wait, we can make this harder  There's an old sales adage that says "Don't answer questions that haven't been asked".  Same applies here.

So whether out in the real world or inside the quasi-mythical world of business before offering up comments, opinions or advice ask yourself the question.  Does anyone care but me?

Here's to Hinnyhockers

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”  Earnest Hemingway 

I've recently been introduced to the term "Hinnyhocker".  A Hinnyhocker is a term created by Dr. Mike.  Dr. Mike is a retired dentist and All-Star host in the Upper Peninsula (U.P.) of Michigan.  Or as commonly referred to, he's a Yooper.

By the way, the Upper and Lower Peninsulas of Michigan are separated by the Mackinac Bridge, a five-mile expanse and longest suspension bridge in the Western hemisphere.  Yooper's call people in the lower peninsula "Trolls" (those people who live under the bridge).

A Hinnyhocker is a term used when making an adult beverage for someone.  If you ask someone what they would like and they say, "oh, whatever you're having" or "I dunno, anything is ok" or "surprise me" or any other ambiguous request it becomes a Hinnyhocker.  Really saves on words. 

"What would you like?", "A Hinnyhocker:

See, simple and it allows the host to be creative.

So, how to incorporate Hinnyhocker into the work place?

If you're working with smart, creative, dutiful people it should be easy. 

"How should be promote the new product line?".  "Give me a Hinnyhocker."

"What about the sales presentation for the new release?".  "A Hinnyhocker."

It could be fun to give people the creative freedom of a Hinnyhocker.

Of course, it could be disastrous also.  A Hinnyhocker in the wrong hands would be terrible.  A gin and tonic that's 95% tonic (or vice versa).  A rum and coke with flat coke. 

Hinnyhocker's (drink or workplace) only work when the creator is good at their craft, concerned about their guest/audience/customer and up for a challenge.

So, here's to Hinnyhocker's - with moderation.

Here's a tip for you

"I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"  Tommy Cooper

It's long been acknowledged that a good way to determine character in someone is to golf with them.  Over the course of 4+ hours out on the course and probably drinks afterwards you get to spend half the day with someone under conditions that show what's under their skin.  Will Rogers once said, "only the income tax has made more liars out of people than golf."  A round of golf with someone allows you to see their temperament, honesty, competitiveness and communication skills.  It also allows you to find out if they have a mean streak, like to gain unfair advantage and how they react to adversity.  Believe me, two lost balls and a three putt on one hole will bring that out.

The problem is, not everyone plays golf.  Plus as previously mentioned it takes up the better part of a day.  So it's not the most practical way of scoping out a person's true personality.

There's other ways though.

Tipping, along with how someone treats service people, is another great indicator.  Tipping by itself can be deceiving.  Some people have a set rule that they never vary from and as long as it's not unreasonable you can't take them as a bad person because of it.  There are also extreme circumstances where reducing or withholding a tip becomes necessary.

I tend to pay more attention to how others treat service people.  People that treat wait staff, valets, receptionists, clerks, etc. with an air of indifference or even worse distain on a consistent basis always bother me.  I've found some of the best people to work with and for are those who are overly friendly and accommodating to service people.  They acknowledge them, chat with them, thank them and more often than not over tip them.  I have found these types to be the best of do business with because they tend - typically, not always - to be more trustworthy.

The one trait that I've observed firsthand a couple of times are successful people who upon realizing they've accidentally been undercharged or given too much change back happily put it in their pocket and once out of range crow about it to those they're with.

On both occasions I put that person on my "watch carefully" list and with both I ultimately found I could not trust them in a business situation.

Regardless of the method it's worthwhile to watch people in normal, almost innocent, situations to see how they are.  If something strikes you as "off", pay attention.

Joyland

"Always know where your wallet is, and show up."  Carny Rule

I recently read a Stephen King book "Joyland" about a college kid who works a summer job at a theme park set in the early '70's.  During his induction one of the old hands gives him this advice and my thought was, "Crap, now I'm going to have to update my Ten Simple Rules.

Pretty good advice no matter your profession and frankly when I think about the bulk of things that have caused me problems eliminating these two would take care of a bunch of them.

When taken in the literal sense I think people in general do a pretty good job on knowing where their wallet is .  But if you extrapolate it to mean knowing where your "wallet"  (Wealth, Assets, Loot, Love, Emotions, Talent)  is at all times I think most of us fail to some greater or lesser degree.  We have become a society who depend on others to watch out for us.  We trust investors, bankers, talk shows, reality shows, infomercials and un-invested outsiders more than we trust ourselves.  So we end up not knowing where our "wallet" is and trusting it to other people.

I've certainly made this mistake on both the financial and professional side and have my share of flaws on the personal side as well.

However, I'm convinced that the showing up part, in the literal sense, gets lost along the way too often.

Old Geezer Alert!!

I'm also convinced that young people today are especially bad when it comes to showing up.  I don't know if it's because of our mobile society where you don't have to actually ever see and talk to people face-to-face, or if it's inherent in all young people and I just don't remember me being that way or, maybe it's not as bad as I think and I just need to go out on the porch and yell at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn.

But I don't think so.

My observations tell me that a whole lot of people wait for things to come to them rather than going and looking for them.

Additionally I keep reading a growing number of blogs and articles on places like LinkedIn that encourage us to not try to make the Millennia's fit into our outdated and archaic methods of recruiting and management.  We need to let them express their artistic freedom and not restrict them.  We need to "Understand" them.

BAH!!

How about THEY understand that being able to verbally communicate, properly write and spell, take doing their assigned job seriously and show up on time is not outdated, but essential.

Now, back to watching the front lawn.

What I learned by moving

"Moving Tip #48:  Packing tape should not be used for painful practical jokes."

We recently moved to a new home.  It had been twelve years since I had moved and all it did was rekindle all the reasons I hate moving.  I think most people hate moving.  Even when you have someone else doing the packing and hauling it's a royal pain in the butt.  We didn't.  We packed and moved ourselves with some help from friends and family.

The upside is once it's over, and if you've done it halfway properly, you've eliminated a lot of worthless stuff and cleaned and organized everything.

As I said it's a new home but it's not a new house.  Actually it's an old house (by American standards anyway).  It's been mostly remodeled and we really, really like it.  But it's not a new house.

So as we're settling in I start systematically running across things that don't work or don't fit.

The first problem was my office desk.  Under no circumstances would it fit in the room that I REALLY wanted as my office.  The room I wanted has a big window, faces East for morning sun and is large enough for all my stuff.  Remember the getting rid of stuff line?  I'm down to three printers instead of four and one flat screen instead of two.  The other option is a much smaller, much darker room.  So, my desk doesn't come apart and won't fit, therefore the options are settle for the less desirable room or spend money to get a new desk.  Or...cut off two of the legs then reattach them after moving it in.  I was pretty nervous since I knew if I screwed it up I'd ruin a great piece of furniture.  But I took my time, remembered the adage to "measure twice and cut once" and it worked perfectly.  I'm sitting at it as I write this post.

The next thing to come up was the electricity in the garage went out.  Totally out.  No where else, just the garage.  So, being an older house it has a couple of fuse boxes.  A newer one with breaker fuses and an old one with screw-in fuses.  Nothing is labeled so it's hunt an peck time.  The breakers are easy since you can pretty easily tell if it's flipped or not.  The old one, not so much.  So my options are go buy some new fuses and one-by-one switch them out and see if it works, or spend the money to call an electrician.  Or....look around the garage.  There's a switch for the overhead lights and one for the outside lights, and one that doesn't appear to be for anything.  So I flip it and all the electricity comes back on.  Don't know why it's there or why it doesn't have a "Don't Touch This" label but there it is.

So, relearning some lessons.

• Don't miss an opportunity to clear out unused or unwanted things and clean and organize as you're doing it.
• Don't just settle instead of taking the time to get it the way you want it.
• Try the simple things first.

Really good lessons for the workplace as well, don't you think?