“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.” – Dick Cavett“Hello, you have reached our automated call attendant. Para la prensa 2 del español. Pour la presse 3 de Français. 為中國人新聞4. Για τον ελληνικό Τύπο 5. На русское давление 6. Para a imprensa 7 do português. Für deutsche Presse 8. Per la pressa italiana 9.
For English please stay on the line and one of our representatives from IndiIriPakiUkraniStan will help you.”
*sigh*
All I wanted was a Big Mac and a Coke.
So, it hasn’t gotten this bad – yet – but I’m convinced it’s coming quickly. And no, I’m really not against globalization. Just the opposite, by virtue of having circled the globe a few times I’m probably more ahead of the “We Are the World” curve than most of you.
What I’m against is lousy customer service. I’m against paying for service and not getting it. I have kids who are stuck in the “me generation” but I don’t want to deal with companies who are. I’ll pay more for service if I get it but I’m quickly waltzing away from companies who are more interested in paying less for each customer service call than they are for providing actual service. That’s what I’m against.
What I’m for is better business intelligence.
Profile away if it will help me get through the Airport, ATM, or any other line quicker, If you can profile when I call that I’m a dumb Hoosier who can barely speak English much less anything tricky like French and you route my call to someone in Terre Haute I’m a happy guy. If when I plug my card into the ATM it immediately asks me in English “Do you want your normal amount? I’m a happy guy. If I can walk into an airport, show them my finger, eye, tattoo, whatever and be sent on to the gate, I’m a happy guy.
You see, I’m a boring guy. I have nothing interesting going on so go ahead and watch me, listen in to my phone calls, track my internet, whatever but bring plenty of strong coffee ‘cause you’re going to be B-O-R-E-D out of your G-O-U-R-D.
Look, I get it. I really do. You have to make a profit along the way. I’m with you on that boat. But figure out if you’re cheaping your way into trouble by chasing your clients away.
I’ll leave you with a little thing that my good friend and former globetrotting buddy Tyler Allman sent me once upon a time. Anyone who’s traveled to foreign soil – Europe, Asia Pacific, South America, Florida or California – has probably had something like this happen.
For English please stay on the line and one of our representatives from IndiIriPakiUkraniStan will help you.”
*sigh*
All I wanted was a Big Mac and a Coke.
So, it hasn’t gotten this bad – yet – but I’m convinced it’s coming quickly. And no, I’m really not against globalization. Just the opposite, by virtue of having circled the globe a few times I’m probably more ahead of the “We Are the World” curve than most of you.
What I’m against is lousy customer service. I’m against paying for service and not getting it. I have kids who are stuck in the “me generation” but I don’t want to deal with companies who are. I’ll pay more for service if I get it but I’m quickly waltzing away from companies who are more interested in paying less for each customer service call than they are for providing actual service. That’s what I’m against.
What I’m for is better business intelligence.
Profile away if it will help me get through the Airport, ATM, or any other line quicker, If you can profile when I call that I’m a dumb Hoosier who can barely speak English much less anything tricky like French and you route my call to someone in Terre Haute I’m a happy guy. If when I plug my card into the ATM it immediately asks me in English “Do you want your normal amount? I’m a happy guy. If I can walk into an airport, show them my finger, eye, tattoo, whatever and be sent on to the gate, I’m a happy guy.
You see, I’m a boring guy. I have nothing interesting going on so go ahead and watch me, listen in to my phone calls, track my internet, whatever but bring plenty of strong coffee ‘cause you’re going to be B-O-R-E-D out of your G-O-U-R-D.
Look, I get it. I really do. You have to make a profit along the way. I’m with you on that boat. But figure out if you’re cheaping your way into trouble by chasing your clients away.
I’ll leave you with a little thing that my good friend and former globetrotting buddy Tyler Allman sent me once upon a time. Anyone who’s traveled to foreign soil – Europe, Asia Pacific, South America, Florida or California – has probably had something like this happen.
A Call to Room Service
Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
RS: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
HG: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July then?
HG: What?
RS: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch...?
HG: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
RS: Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
HG: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Okay. Santos?
HG: What?
RS: Santos. July Santos?
HG: Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.
RS: No. Judo one toes?
HG: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes" means. I'm sorry.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
HG: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
HG: No. Just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
HG: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
RS: Copy?
HG: I feel terrible about this but...
RS: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
HG: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
HG: Whatever you say.
RS: Okay. Tendjewberrymud.
HG: You're welcome
Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
RS: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
HG: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July then?
HG: What?
RS: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch...?
HG: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
RS: Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
HG: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Okay. Santos?
HG: What?
RS: Santos. July Santos?
HG: Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.
RS: No. Judo one toes?
HG: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes" means. I'm sorry.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
HG: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
HG: No. Just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
HG: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
RS: Copy?
HG: I feel terrible about this but...
RS: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
HG: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
HG: Whatever you say.
RS: Okay. Tendjewberrymud.
HG: You're welcome
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