Hard Wired

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung

This is a republish of an earlier post.

I have for time eternal used the phrase “wired” to describe people’s actions.

What I mean by this is that I believe people have internal elements that make them act consistently in given situations. I’ve known people that would lie even though the situation didn’t demand or warrant it. I’ve known people who will always argue a counter point even though there’s no cause. Or people who consistently blame others for their problems.

With these people I will normally shrug and say “they’re wired that way”.

I’ve also known people that if you handed them $100,000 in hundred dollar bills and asked them to take care of it for “a year or two” that when you returned not only would the money be there but it would be the exact same hundred dollar bills. Or people who will help out regardless of the hour or reason. Or people that when they make a commitment you never think about it again because you know it will be handled as promised.

With these people I will smile and say “they’re wired that way”.

The longer I’m around the more I’m convinced of this is the most reliable method for predicting how people will react in situations. If you can determine how a person is wired you will know with almost certainty how they will react.

The key is you have to pay attention and not let your feelings (good or bad) for that person cloud what you’re seeing.

I’ve made this mistake more times than I’m willing to admit (on my own blog site anyway). I will see a person in enough situations to know how they’re wired but because of emotion, time constraints, apathy, et al I will ignore the obvious and either get burned because I knew they were wired to do the negative or irritate someone by not allowing them the space to do what they were wired to do.

So, start watching how people around you are wired, it’s really pretty easy once you start paying attention.

And by the way, spend a little time on yourself.

The Importance of Finishing

"Never miss a good chance to shut up"  Will Rogers

I was in attendance at a function the other day that included a guest speaker. She was wonderful. She had me and everyone in attendance absolutely attentive and engaged.  She was topical, self-depreciating, funny and warm.  The package.

She told story after story….after story….after story.  She told stories to the point that one by one we all went from deft attention to looking at watches, phones, fingernails, the floor, anything but her.  It was one of those “maybe if we don’t make eye contact she’s get the collective hint that as enjoyable as this has been we all really have other things to do” moments.

It’s a little like fine dining versus chain restaurants.   With most fine dining the portions are just enough that you’re thinking, “wow, just one more bite would be perfect” but realize at the end of the multiple small courses you’re very comfortably full as opposed to most American restaurant chains where you might as well order a doggy bag when you place your order (or should anyway).  You waddle out regretting the deep fried appetizer before the Jethro Bodine sized main dish.

Any time we know we have control of our audience we want to capture the moment and make it last.  But like those incredible small fine dining courses it’s always better to leave ‘em wanting just a little bit more.