The Glue of the Universe

Oh, I don't know, could it be.... SATAN? The Church Lady

A good friend of mine’s father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. He’s been married for a long time and had a great relationship with his wife’s father so it was very much like losing one of his own parents.

But, the gentleman had had a rich and full life and the end was pretty quick and pretty painless. Pretty much what we all hope for really.

In talking through the entire experience he related how the ladies of their church essentially swept in, took control, handled the myriad details then cleaned up and swept away leaving everything a bit tidier than when they arrived.

The only proper response was “God Bless church ladies”.

After hanging up I continued to replay the conversation and it struck me that just maybe the real glue of the universe is not scientific or cosmic in makeup, but church ladies. I’m not totally sure in my own mind that if groups like church ladies didn’t exist that everything might just come apart. Kind of the equivalent of if everyone on the plane all stopped believing it could fly at the same time it would fall to the ground.

Further, I think most every good organization I’ve ever been in has had their corporate version of church ladies. The client services group that made all problems disappear, the field techs who made even the most difficult customer smile, the close-knit development group that drove me insane by taking my requirements as merely a suggestion and building a release that was much better than the specifications.

Notice how I’ve never mentioned any of the well-heeled and glamorous job titles. In fact those people and groups are usually the alcohol trying to dissolve the glue. But they can’t, because the church ladies are more powerful.

Yep, God Bless church ladies.

The Everyone Principle

"Nobody goes there anymore, it's always too crowded."  Yogi Berra

I was in the local grocery getting a couple of things so I grabbed one of the baskets, got my items and was doing the self-checkout.  When my basket was empty I, as always, placed it on the floor underneath the ledge they have to sit items on.  One of the store attendants came over, picked the basket up and said "why does everybody put their baskets on the floor?".  I said "where should I put it?".  He said "either leave it on the shelf or put it back where you got it.  I just don't understand why everyone has to put them on the floor."

Now, I thought I was being somewhat courteous by removing it from the shelf so the next person would have a clear spot to put their items.  After all, it's a 12 items or under zone so most people either use a basket or have a handful of things.

So, I'm somewhat fuming about being called out and the lack of customer service attitude from the store person.  So after finishing my transaction I take my bag and walk up to the store attendant who reprimanded me and asked "so, if 'everybody' puts their baskets on the floor then could you be the one thinking about this wrong?"  It was an unsatisfying conclusion since he just looked at me like I was the village idiot.

But, it got me thinking about absolutes and how often arguments are based on the Everyone Principle.

Kids.  "But Dad, everyone will be going to the party".

Husbands.  "But honey, everyone has the new Titanium driver."

Wives.  "Everyone has tried that new restaurant except us."

Friends.  "Dude, everyone has the new 200 inch 4K UHD Quantum Dots TV.  It's only 5 grand."

And in the corporate world the Everyone Principle run more rampant than most places.

Sales.  "Everyone is offering a better product than us at half the price."

Finance. "Everyone can advertise for less money than we can."

Development. "Everyone has more staff and better R&D budgets than we do."

Management.  "Everyone is making better margins than us."

The Everyone Principle is arguably the most used and least effective argument ever created.  It is the fall back position for anyone who doesn't have real data and doesn't want to take the time and energy to  properly form one.

So, I'm going to try to not use the Everyone argument....except the next time Mr. Store Guy hassles me about putting my basket on the floor then my response will be "but everyone does".