“All marriages are mixed marriages.” Chantal Saperstein
I was running with two friends – both women- and they were talking about a couple who split after their kids went off to college. Note, they were talking; I was trying not to die.
According to the story he was a businessman, she a homemaker. After 25 years she found planning menus so he could eat upon arrival less than challenging. Kind of like the movie Pleasantville. She went back to school, met more interesting (and probably younger) men and eventually got remarried. He also got remarried, but not to another “housewife” but to a successful and somewhat independent business woman.
My friends were somewhat mystified by this since they assumed he would want another June Cleaver. I wasn’t and immediately told them why it made sense. Well, not immediately since I couldn’t talk due to gagging my way up a hill. But once the run was over and I had recovered I told them why.
Why? Because there are a lot of people who only think of people as they were when they first met them.
I have a love/hate relationship with going back to my home town. Although I love seeing family and friends I also run into people who only remember me as a goofy kid with big ears and a speech impediment. They don’t realize I’m now a goofy middle-aged man with big ears and a speech impediment.
More importantly I’ve known too many managers in the business world who pigeonhole people because they can only see them as the “clerk”, “technician” or “receptionist” they hired. It’s as if they cannot grasp the concept that people are capable of learning, growing and evolving. I’ve had this happen to me and have fought it in two ways. One, work my butt off to get in a position where that original manager now works for me and then go to great lengths to make their life miserable, or two, change companies and work my butt off to get my new company in a position to acquire my old company so I can make that original manager’s life miserable.
Kidding aside, sometimes you have to go to another place (or person) to not be recognized for what you once were. This guy couldn’t see his wife as anything but what she once was. But with someone new he found something else. Now, the problem will come when New Wife wants to escape the professional world and kick back at home. He may not handle that any better.
The key in any long-term relationship – personal or professional – is to recognize both what people are as well as what they can be. It's rewarding in both scenario's to be a part of people as they change.
I was running with two friends – both women- and they were talking about a couple who split after their kids went off to college. Note, they were talking; I was trying not to die.
According to the story he was a businessman, she a homemaker. After 25 years she found planning menus so he could eat upon arrival less than challenging. Kind of like the movie Pleasantville. She went back to school, met more interesting (and probably younger) men and eventually got remarried. He also got remarried, but not to another “housewife” but to a successful and somewhat independent business woman.
My friends were somewhat mystified by this since they assumed he would want another June Cleaver. I wasn’t and immediately told them why it made sense. Well, not immediately since I couldn’t talk due to gagging my way up a hill. But once the run was over and I had recovered I told them why.
Why? Because there are a lot of people who only think of people as they were when they first met them.
I have a love/hate relationship with going back to my home town. Although I love seeing family and friends I also run into people who only remember me as a goofy kid with big ears and a speech impediment. They don’t realize I’m now a goofy middle-aged man with big ears and a speech impediment.
More importantly I’ve known too many managers in the business world who pigeonhole people because they can only see them as the “clerk”, “technician” or “receptionist” they hired. It’s as if they cannot grasp the concept that people are capable of learning, growing and evolving. I’ve had this happen to me and have fought it in two ways. One, work my butt off to get in a position where that original manager now works for me and then go to great lengths to make their life miserable, or two, change companies and work my butt off to get my new company in a position to acquire my old company so I can make that original manager’s life miserable.
Kidding aside, sometimes you have to go to another place (or person) to not be recognized for what you once were. This guy couldn’t see his wife as anything but what she once was. But with someone new he found something else. Now, the problem will come when New Wife wants to escape the professional world and kick back at home. He may not handle that any better.
The key in any long-term relationship – personal or professional – is to recognize both what people are as well as what they can be. It's rewarding in both scenario's to be a part of people as they change.
Posts
1 comment:
Agree, and as a manager, it's not just the challenge of recognizing that someone has evolved. It's also finding a different way to cover the role that they've grown out of.
This is particularly difficult, because the person is probably *really good* at doing whatever they've grown out of. As an organization, you'll have to go through the pain of training a new person and dealing with a loss of quality until the new resource gets up to speed.
This temporary pain is too much for a lot of orgs to bear. It's a shame; it's expensive and demoralizing to lose that good talent. It's hard to BE that good talent and have to move on, although we adapt pretty quickly.
Post a Comment