You can't fix stupid

"You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever. Ron White

It seems like I've spent a large portion of my so-called career trying to fix stupid. Stupid products, stupid situations, stupid clients, stupid vendors, and yes, stupid people. The comedian Ron White uses the "you can't fix stupid" line in one of his routines when talking about finding the right person to marry with the point being that these days you can fix almost any physical issue with your mate, but "you can't fix stupid".

A few years ago I was in a situation where I had spent the better part of two years trying to fix stupid and it finally came to me that I was the leader of the pack. The only thing worse than spending more than a minute and a half trying to fix someone who is hell-bent on being stupid is realizing that you've just wasted months of your life trying to do the impossible.

I was talking to a buddy a while back who was struggling with a non-performer, a sales guy who hasn't sold anything in nearly a year. So, I'm wailing on my buddy about what part of "nothing" and "nearly a year" he's not latching on to. All of a sudden I realize that I did not have the high ground in this conversation because I've spent twice that time on a more hopeless situation.

So, here's my resolution and a modification of the "you can't fix stupid" rule. I solemnly resolve to never again make more than a cursory swipe at fixing stupid people. I'll take on stupid situations, stupid circumstances and maybe even stupid products but not stupid people. Life's too short.

The modification: You CAN fix stupid if it's yourself.

Juice

It's a mistake to think that moving fast is the same as actually going somewhere.” Steve Goodier 

I was chatting with a friend the other day who I had been in a start-up with once upon a time who was wanting to pick my brain (obviously a desperate man).  He most recently had been the CFO at a company that had been sold to an outside group.  A deal he had helped to orchestrate.

After taking the summer off and doing some traveling with his wife he was in the process of “getting back into it”. 

So he had fired up his network, quickly got some encouraging hits, had a few interviews and run directly into the “Juice” question.

What’s the “Juice” question, you ask?

Juice as in energy, gas left in the tank, hunger, ambition, willingness to engage, ability to work hard, desire to show up every day, etc.

It’s the question you get when you get of a certain age, where the number of years left to work are way less than the ones you already have.  It’s when you’re on the back nine of your professional career.

You see, employers get concerned that you’re all used up.  Even if your tires are good and engine is solid your odometer shows a lot of miles.  The old, “it’s not the age, it’s the miles” analogy.

It’s when you’ve had a long and somewhat illustrious career but you really, really want to keep working.  Not from need as much as ambition.  You've raised your kids and just don't have the "off field" drama you had in your 30's and 40's.  Frankly you have lots of free time and quite frankly like working.

My friend's problem is if he looks at CFO positions the company gets concerned with how many more years he’ll want to work.  If he looks a lower position’s (that he would be very happy doing) the company gets concerned that he’ll be unhappy and will only stay there until he scores a better position in another company.  But mainly it’s “do you have any Juice left?”

It’s a sticky one because the only way to prove it is to do it.  But you can’t do it if they won’t bring you in and see.  Essentially it comes down to the fact that they just don’t believe you when you tell them you have plenty left and want to use it for their benefit.

The other truth is, people like him DON’T have to work as hard to do the job.  With their vast experience they know how to get things done quicker and easier than some 30 year old.  They also don’t carry around the personal baggage of someone younger.  Work/life balance, blind ambition that can be destructive, learning how to navigate company politics, knowing what being a good employee means.

In fact, there’s a lot of gold in a many of these golden oldies.

If you need key talent it might be worth your time to test drive one of these higher-mileage beauties.  Bring them in on a consulting basis, see how much Juice they have left.  You may be pleasantly surprised.

I Can See Clearly Now

“The question is not what you look at, but what you see.” Henry David Thoreau

I had cataracts surgery a while back. Yet another sign that I am, in fact, an old geezer-head as the young son of a friend of mine once proclaimed (almost 20 years ago).

It was an interesting process. I had Lasik on both eyes fifteen years ago and it’s been great. I’ve enjoyed 20/20 vision and with the exception of the dreaded reading glasses have had no vision complaints – until recently. I was noticing that my vision wasn’t as clear as I was used to and most annoying my reading glasses didn’t seem to be helping on the close up stuff. So I bit the bullet and visited a local optometrist friend who after a thorough exam and way too many “Hmmmm” and “That’s Interesting” comments proclaimed that the good news was I didn’t need glasses. The bad news, however, was I needed cataracts surgery…in both eyes.

Great.

I was surprised about the “both eyes” part. Whereas my right eye had become very foggy (imagine having Vaseline smeared on your eyeball) I had started relying on my left “good” eye for any clear vision and frankly thought it was still at or near 20/20. I was even more surprised to learn that the cataracts were actually worse in my left “good” eye because in the right eye all I could read on the eye test chart was the “E”.

The fact that I was going to get my vision fixed was met with great exaltation from my golfing buddies who had for too long endured the countless rounds answering the never-ending barrage of “did you see my ball?” queries. The fact they didn’t bash me with a seven iron is a true testament to their friendship.

So, I had the right eye done – a pretty quick and simple procedure by the way – and after a night of wanting to claw my eye out because of the endless flood of tears from the, hardly exaggerating, nine thousand drops of medications they put in before the procedure I awoke to WOW, I CAN SEE. Not crystal, but a billion times better than before. And the bonus was in the next day followup the doc announced that my right eye was at 20/40 and there was still some swelling so it would still improve.

The funny part was now doing the right eye vs. left eye comparison I realized how bad my left “good” eye was. It was scheduled and performed two weeks later and I was once again invited by my buds to golf again.

So as is typical this whole ordeal got me thinking about life in the business world.

You know, a lot of times we fall into the “good” eye trap. Things look so bad from one perspective that by comparison other things look OK when in fact they’re not. In a way it corresponds to one of Jack Welsh’s management rules to rank your people strongest to weakest and always work on improving or replacing the bottom 10% no matter how good you feel the team has become, because everything is good or bad by perspective.

It’s hard to fix everything at once, after all they only fixed one eye at a time on me, so fixing the worst problem first is usually the right thing but don’t lose sight (no pun intended) of the fact that other things may only be good by comparison.

Now, where’s my golf bag? I want to actually see my ball going OB.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

“The key to being a good manager is keeping those who hate me away from those that are still undecided” Casey Stengel

I was listening to a new podcast that my friend Barry Doctor recommended.  It's called Product Life and this is their inaugural broadcast.  Their first guest was Kim Phelan.  A Product Management VP at Clear Fit.  She was very knowledgeable and well-spoken.  One thing she said of interest (to me) was talking about where Product Manager's come from.  She said that seldom do they come from just out of school, that they need to experience other customer-facing jobs first.

I understand and agree with that but still find it sad.  And, I’ll tell you why.

It means we don’t have apprentices anymore.

It used to be that you’d start a new job and you’d be assigned to someone (a senior, supervisor, etc.) who knew the job and would take you by the hand and teach you the job. Then as positions opened by expansion or void or sometimes….sometimes….wait on it….by retirement supervisors would become managers, seniors would become supervisors and you’d become a senior. Thus, you worked for people that actually knew what you did because they had done the job themselves.

To be fair, that didn’t make them good managers, but it did make them good trainers. And once they got trained at being good managers it got passed along.

Today that entire system is out the window (and has been for a long time in the tech field) as people hop madly around for the next upward step in position and salary. So what we’re left with are administrative placeholders looking for their next hop. They’re new to the company as is their VP and probably CEO all wanting to quickly make their mark so they can swim on to the next island.

What has all this caused?

There are tons of lists from places like Glassdoor who research the lowest rated companies when it comes to employee satisfaction. This comes on top of an Art Petty blog on Evil Leadership and another of my favorite bloggers – Michael Hopkins – and his Customer Service experience from his Lead on Purpose site.

Wow, a new record. Six links in a single blog. This should keep you busy enough that I don't need to finish the post.

But, I will anyway.

I guess it should bother me that I have worked for companies on the "worst" list, but it really doesn’t mainly because it gave me so much material for this site. What does bother me is I’ve worked for companies that would have easily made this list had they been big enough to be noticed.

Big or small they each suffered from the same basic deficiencies in management, leadership and regard for their customers. It does, and has always, come from the top.

If you’re in a position of power take the time and steps to make sure your people know who they work for and what they do. If you can’t do it then assign them to a “master tradesman” who can.
Let’s get back to knowing what we do, why we do it, and who we do it for.

(And yes, Mrs. Gilbert, I know I ended that sentence with a preposition).

Dancin' with the Devil

“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.” James Thurber

One of the challenges of being in a key position of a start up that is funded by outside investors is establishing a working relationship with those whose money you’re playing. Investors take many forms, from benevolent angels to ruthless venture professionals.

The old joke goes that everyone wants an investor who "gets it” until they have one. I once said to an angel investor when launching a Series “A” round, “let’s try to find some smart money”. He said, “Son, all money is dumb”. Thus the never-ending search to find investors who are smart, knowledgeable, friendly, supportive, patient, involved but not too involved. Most of all, you want your investor’s pockets to be deeper than their intellect.

The fact is, any time you’re using other people’s money they are going to have more than just a casual passing interest in what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, when you’re doing it, and how you’re doing it.

I’ve had two interesting conversations over the past couple of weeks. One was with a friend who took investor money last year and one with a friend who’s debating taking some. Fortunately they happened in that order so I was able to quote to the one debating taking investment things I had just heard from the one who just took investment.

Highlights included:

“I field ‘how’s it going?’ phone calls for three solid weeks then go to the board meeting where I answer the same questions again”

“Most of the questions revolve around ‘is there a market for the product?’. It’s like the due diligence they did 6 months ago has been totally forgotten”

“Their solution for all revenue shortfalls is ‘we need to drastically cut expenses’.

“They constantly bring up other companies they deem to be successful, most of which are in different markets, have been operating years longer and have ten times the capital to work with.”

The net of all of this is the management team gets little chance to run the business. The distraction of constant inquisition means a business flow is never achieved. It now appears that my second friend is going to continue to run his self-funded company at a slower pace without outside investment. I think he’ll end up healthier, wealthier and wiser.

However, if you choose to take the money, or if you’re in a company that already has, here are some universal truths:

• The longest line is between an investors "yes" and their signature on a check
• The only thing faster than the speed of light is bad news
• Good news will be treated with skepticism
• No, they don’t have to understand
• Yes, it is their money
• Anything you say can and will be used against you in board meetings
• Anything your people say can and will be used against you in board meetings
• No, someone didn’t switch those nice people you met before you got the check
• No, they probably don’t remember all those conversations about how the money would be used

If you’re considering taking outside money then please understand these universal truths and plan accordingly. That is, plan on not having time to execute your roadmap, develop your product, develop your sales force, plan a marketing campaign or talk to your customers. You can, however, go ahead and get started raising the next round of funding that you’ll all too quickly find out you need.

Flatties don't come back

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.” George Carlin

Back when I was new to the business world, when research meant going to the library and all information came from reading the newspaper and watching the evening news (one hour only) the Wall Street Journal ran a series of one-page, thought-provoking pieces. Today they would be a blog but this was a couple of decades before Mr. Gore invented the internet.

One that has always stuck with me was titled “We flatties don’t come back”. Flatties is a term used by carnival people (county fair type not cruise line type, though it might apply) to describe their customers. The life of a carny is short-term in every sense and their only goal is to survive this town to go to the next one. They have no interest in “getting to know their customer”. What they want is to extract as much as they can as quick as they can and get on to the next person, place or thing.

The gist of the article was that companies that treat their customers like carnival flatties will one day find themselves without any customers to worry about.

I promised in a recent post to never again complain about the airline industry. So I have this story about a company in the transportation business whose name implies either a variance between two numbers or a swampy region between two rivers in the South.

I used to frequent this transportation company and they once gave me a number in which to keep track of how much I transported myself with them. Let’s call them T1. Now they have bought another transportation company that I have also frequented and thus also have a number. Let’s call them T2.

So T1 wants me to merge my information from T2 into their system. Easy enough except to do so requires a personal identification number. The last time I used T1 for transportation was before personal identification numbers existed. So, since I’ve never had one I have been locked out of their system. No service representative has been able to help, no email has been answered and when I asked for the number of the group that handles these things I was actually told, “You can’t call them. I can’t even call them. We can only communicate with them via email”.

“Can I get their email address?”

“No”

NO ONE GETS IN TO SEE THE WIZARD, NOT NO ONE, NOT NO HOW!!!!

Talk about feeling like a flattie?

So?

How are you doing with your customers? Are they a treasure or a ball and chain? Are they an ally or an enemy? Are they a flattie?

In a time when getting new customers is, as my mother would say, “like pulling hens teeth” the last thing you can afford to do is lose good customers.

Vacant

"Sometimes skulls are thick.  Sometimes hearts are vacant.  Sometimes words don't work."  James Frey

We were with some friends at their home when the host pulled out a bottle of wine.  Admitting that he had never before tried this particular one he opened it, poured a taste and declared "vacant".  I tasted it and realized his description was perfect.  It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it wasn't unpleasant, it wasn't distasteful, it wasn't bold, it wasn't weak, it was "vacant".  Vacant of flavor, vacant of substance, vacant of body, just vacant.

I've been around a lot of wine people over the years.  I have to admit I've never heard the word vacant used to describe a wine.  But it was so accurate for this particular one that it needs to make the list of descriptors.

This got me thinking about the word "vacant" and what a hard word it is when used to describe something.  In a lot of ways it's worse than saying something is bad.  Bad oftentimes is a matter of opinion and what some see as "bad" others see as "good".  Sour vs. sweet.  Left vs. right.  Dark vs. light.  All have a redeeming value to some people.  But not vacant.  Vacant is void and demands redemption.

Anything vacant demands to filled.  Vacant buildings need tenants.  Vacant parking lots need cars. Vacant stadiums need fans. Vacant minds need activity.

If you have a business the worst thing you could ever have to combat would be a product or service that was vacant.  Or even if you're solution has merit your message is vacant.  One so bland it doesn't even offend anyone.  It's normally not good policy to irritate people but it still is better than delivering something vacant.  Something so neutral and beige that no one notices.

Don't be vacant.  Be bold and flavorful and colorful and intense.  Yeah, some won't like it but even the one's who don't will at least have noticed.