Vacant

"Sometimes skulls are thick.  Sometimes hearts are vacant.  Sometimes words don't work."  James Frey

We were with some friends at their home when the host pulled out a bottle of wine.  Admitting that he had never before tried this particular one he opened it, poured a taste and declared "vacant".  I tasted it and realized his description was perfect.  It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it wasn't unpleasant, it wasn't distasteful, it wasn't bold, it wasn't weak, it was "vacant".  Vacant of flavor, vacant of substance, vacant of body, just vacant.

I've been around a lot of wine people over the years.  I have to admit I've never heard the word vacant used to describe a wine.  But it was so accurate for this particular one that it needs to make the list of descriptors.

This got me thinking about the word "vacant" and what a hard word it is when used to describe something.  In a lot of ways it's worse than saying something is bad.  Bad oftentimes is a matter of opinion and what some see as "bad" others see as "good".  Sour vs. sweet.  Left vs. right.  Dark vs. light.  All have a redeeming value to some people.  But not vacant.  Vacant is void and demands redemption.

Anything vacant demands to filled.  Vacant buildings need tenants.  Vacant parking lots need cars. Vacant stadiums need fans. Vacant minds need activity.

If you have a business the worst thing you could ever have to combat would be a product or service that was vacant.  Or even if you're solution has merit your message is vacant.  One so bland it doesn't even offend anyone.  It's normally not good policy to irritate people but it still is better than delivering something vacant.  Something so neutral and beige that no one notices.

Don't be vacant.  Be bold and flavorful and colorful and intense.  Yeah, some won't like it but even the one's who don't will at least have noticed.

Drive By Shootings

Anything is possible if you don't know what you’re talking about. Law of Logical Argument

I’ve said many times that I don’t have many pet peeves, but the few I have are intense. I was reminded of one the other day when I was assaulted by what I not-so-affectionately call a Drive By Shooting.

A Drive By Shooting is when someone of influence, a boss/partner/spouse, etc, cruises in to a situation where they have spent no time, expressed no prior interest, have no relevant background and no intent on ongoing involvement and within 5 minutes turns everything you’ve worked on for the past umpteen days/weeks/months into a smoldering trash pit.

I’ve talked around things like this before Make it Harder where people who have no intent to dig in and shovel alongside you throw extra dirt on the pile. It’s frustrating, irritating, demoralizing and, in my case, inflammatory.

So, what does one do about it?

Well, if you’re the Shooter…STOP!! Yeah, I know you’re more intelligent, have more insight, have a clearer vision, can instantly grasp any situation because you are, after all, Joe (or Josette) Cool. But remember the adage about the monkeys in the tree. When the monkey on top looks down it sees smiling faces, whereas when the monkeys below look up all they see is an asshole.

If you’re a lower limb monkey, well that’s more problematic. It depends on lots of factors.

How ADD is the Shooter? If they’re someone who chases every shiny object then your chances are good that they either won’t come back around until everything’s done and the paint is dry, or if they do they won’t remember what sage advice they gave the last time. So stay on course.

Is the Shooter really a person of power or do you (and your team) have more corporate collateral? If so then endure the whizzing bullets, take just enough from the experience to point out that you heeded (some of) the advice, and charge on.

If the Shooter truly is Master and Commander, isn’t ADD, will dutifully check in later and remember what sage advice was given. Well, it’s time to make lemonade and hand it up to the monkey you’re smiling up at.

Hey, do you still make that killer meatloaf?

“All marriages are mixed marriages.” Chantal Saperstein

I was running with two friends – both women- and they were talking about a couple who split after their kids went off to college. Note, they were talking; I was trying not to die.

According to the story he was a businessman, she a homemaker. After 25 years she found planning menus so he could eat upon arrival less than challenging. Kind of like the movie Pleasantville. She went back to school, met more interesting (and probably younger) men and eventually got remarried. He also got remarried, but not to another “housewife” but to a successful and somewhat independent business woman.

My friends were somewhat mystified by this since they assumed he would want another June Cleaver. I wasn’t and immediately told them why it made sense. Well, not immediately since I couldn’t talk due to gagging my way up a hill. But once the run was over and I had recovered I told them why.

Why? Because there are a lot of people who only think of people as they were when they first met them.

I have a love/hate relationship with going back to my home town. Although I love seeing family and friends I also run into people who only remember me as a goofy kid with big ears and a speech impediment. They don’t realize I’m now a goofy middle-aged man with big ears and a speech impediment.

More importantly I’ve known too many managers in the business world who pigeonhole people because they can only see them as the “clerk”, “technician” or “receptionist” they hired. It’s as if they cannot grasp the concept that people are capable of learning, growing and evolving. I’ve had this happen to me and have fought it in two ways. One, work my butt off to get in a position where that original manager now works for me and then go to great lengths to make their life miserable, or two, change companies and work my butt off to get my new company in a position to acquire my old company so I can make that original manager’s life miserable.

Kidding aside, sometimes you have to go to another place (or person) to not be recognized for what you once were. This guy couldn’t see his wife as anything but what she once was. But with someone new he found something else. Now, the problem will come when New Wife wants to escape the professional world and kick back at home. He may not handle that any better.

The key in any long-term relationship – personal or professional – is to recognize both what people are as well as what they can be. It's rewarding in both scenario's to be a part of people as they change.

I'd rather shoot a 95

"They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.”  Gardner Dickinson

While playing a life and death golf match with a buddy, who bought the beers afterwards was on the line, a situation came up where he had to make the choice between a safe take your punishment and probable bogey shot or a near impossible miracle shot with a 20% chance of success and 80% probability of a triple bogey.

Now any person who proclaims themselves a golfer has watched Tin Cup multiple times and will rarely hesitate when deciding to go for the miracle shot.  Which my buddy did and which resulted in a triple bogey.

Later in the round another similar situation came up and now trailing me by a couple of strokes he went safe, took his bogey and continued on.  The inevitable conversation followed about how if we used more 3 woods off the tee, chose more layups instead of "go for it" shots and played to keep the ball in the fairway that our scores would undoubtedly improve.

So I told him about my mother-in-law.  She is a beautiful, spry and healthy 78 and plays golf two to three times a week.  Her golf game consists of hitting the ball 125 yards.  Every.  Single.  Time. Always in the middle of the fairway, always close to the green, almost always for bogey.

So my buddy upon hearing this story pulls his driver out in hopes of clearing the 250 yards of swamp between the tee and the fairway and calls out over his shoulder "I'd rather shoot a 95".

And that, my friends who have the sanity to not play the stupid game, is the essence of WHY we play the stupid game.  Because no "3 wood, 7 iron, pitching wedge, two putt" bogey compares to a "Driver (off a tree), cowled 5 iron (from under the bush), rescue club (into the sand trap), sand wedge (to 6 inches) for a tap in" bogey.

Yes, they both show a "5" on the scorecard.  But sitting at the 19th hole afterwards you never talk about the safe bogey.   You talk about that impossible shot from under the bush and the perfect sand wedge.  To my buddies point a round of 95 can be of much more interest than a round of 85 depending on how its played (and who it's played with but that's a later topic).

Business works kind of the same way.  When in the start-up phase it's more free-wheeling, go for the gusto, damn the torpedoes, drive for show, I'd rather shoot a 95 but if it all comes together I could break 70.  Once established but still not mature, it's let's layup on this one, practice our short game, shoot for the center of the green, let's not screw this up, take your 80 and go home.  Once mature it's 125 yards down the middle.  Every.  Single.  Time. Knowing you're going to shoot no more than 79 and no less than 77.

Determining what kind of golfer you are probably should determine where you work.  Nice and safe usually doesn't fare well in start-ups.  Swing from the heels it's either a birdie or nothing usually doesn't mix well with stoic, established and conservative.

If you don't golf consider taking it up.  I have a future post that discusses how a day golfing with someone will tell you everything you need to know about them (and whether you should do business with them.)

Lead, follow, or.....

Things that come to those who wait may be left by those who got there first” Murphy’s Other Laws.
The old adage is “Lead, follow or get out of the way”. But really its only Lead or Follow; getting out of the way means getting totally out of the way (and the company).

I’ve always maintained that I’m a pretty good leader and I’m also a pretty good follower. I’m pretty lousy at in-between. Many companies, especially startups, suffer from entrepreneurs who are sporadic leaders. Between their electric personalities and ADHD styles they tend to flip between mandates that nothing be allowed to happen without their knowledge and consent to rage about having to “do everything” themselves. This tends to plant the hired employee base in the dreaded Twilight Zone of “neither a leader nor a follower be”.

What to do. I’ve seen the Alexander Haig syndrome where people “take charge” whenever the opportunity presents itself. This is high comedy for the rest of the office, only trumped if there are two “Al’s” in the same office. Unfortunately no one listens to these people so no progress happens. The other extreme are the pouters who do nothing since no one told them to. This is painful and without humor.

If you’re that sporadic leader, stop it. Your schizophrenic style is slowing down progress. If you can’t stop then at least make sure there is a clear and understood path forward and some directions. I worked for a VP at ADP once upon a time who said, “Look, I don’t mind if some of us end up in San Francisco and others in LA, but let’s at least all go West”.

If you’re the one experiencing the churn learn to live and love the adage, “I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission”, then go do your job.

The Glue of the Universe

Oh, I don't know, could it be.... SATAN? The Church Lady

A good friend of mine’s father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. He’s been married for a long time and had a great relationship with his wife’s father so it was very much like losing one of his own parents.

But, the gentleman had had a rich and full life and the end was pretty quick and pretty painless. Pretty much what we all hope for really.

In talking through the entire experience he related how the ladies of their church essentially swept in, took control, handled the myriad details then cleaned up and swept away leaving everything a bit tidier than when they arrived.

The only proper response was “God Bless church ladies”.

After hanging up I continued to replay the conversation and it struck me that just maybe the real glue of the universe is not scientific or cosmic in makeup, but church ladies. I’m not totally sure in my own mind that if groups like church ladies didn’t exist that everything might just come apart. Kind of the equivalent of if everyone on the plane all stopped believing it could fly at the same time it would fall to the ground.

Further, I think most every good organization I’ve ever been in has had their corporate version of church ladies. The client services group that made all problems disappear, the field techs who made even the most difficult customer smile, the close-knit development group that drove me insane by taking my requirements as merely a suggestion and building a release that was much better than the specifications.

Notice how I’ve never mentioned any of the well-heeled and glamorous job titles. In fact those people and groups are usually the alcohol trying to dissolve the glue. But they can’t, because the church ladies are more powerful.

Yep, God Bless church ladies.

The Everyone Principle

"Nobody goes there anymore, it's always too crowded."  Yogi Berra

I was in the local grocery getting a couple of things so I grabbed one of the baskets, got my items and was doing the self-checkout.  When my basket was empty I, as always, placed it on the floor underneath the ledge they have to sit items on.  One of the store attendants came over, picked the basket up and said "why does everybody put their baskets on the floor?".  I said "where should I put it?".  He said "either leave it on the shelf or put it back where you got it.  I just don't understand why everyone has to put them on the floor."

Now, I thought I was being somewhat courteous by removing it from the shelf so the next person would have a clear spot to put their items.  After all, it's a 12 items or under zone so most people either use a basket or have a handful of things.

So, I'm somewhat fuming about being called out and the lack of customer service attitude from the store person.  So after finishing my transaction I take my bag and walk up to the store attendant who reprimanded me and asked "so, if 'everybody' puts their baskets on the floor then could you be the one thinking about this wrong?"  It was an unsatisfying conclusion since he just looked at me like I was the village idiot.

But, it got me thinking about absolutes and how often arguments are based on the Everyone Principle.

Kids.  "But Dad, everyone will be going to the party".

Husbands.  "But honey, everyone has the new Titanium driver."

Wives.  "Everyone has tried that new restaurant except us."

Friends.  "Dude, everyone has the new 200 inch 4K UHD Quantum Dots TV.  It's only 5 grand."

And in the corporate world the Everyone Principle run more rampant than most places.

Sales.  "Everyone is offering a better product than us at half the price."

Finance. "Everyone can advertise for less money than we can."

Development. "Everyone has more staff and better R&D budgets than we do."

Management.  "Everyone is making better margins than us."

The Everyone Principle is arguably the most used and least effective argument ever created.  It is the fall back position for anyone who doesn't have real data and doesn't want to take the time and energy to  properly form one.

So, I'm going to try to not use the Everyone argument....except the next time Mr. Store Guy hassles me about putting my basket on the floor then my response will be "but everyone does".